I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
