so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
