kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
