I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
