I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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