I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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