You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
