id be glad to
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
