I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
