and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
