My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
