you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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