Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
