2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
