remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
