i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need to calm my uterus...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
