Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
