I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
