I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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