Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
