Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
