My hair reeks of homosexuality.
babies were throwing up all over the place
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
