A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
