Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
