why didn't you poke me back
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
