I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Randomize
