This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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