Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
