I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
