so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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