I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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