Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
