90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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