Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
