I cockslap morals
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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