His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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