i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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