there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
