the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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