The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
