the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
