Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
