I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
