your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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