..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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