as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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