The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
