Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
