i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
false alarm. still invincible.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
