What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
