I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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