is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
